Ownership

Photo by Rashtravardhan Kataria on Unsplash

Ownership

The word ownership brings to mind a home or a car to the average person. From a young age we are programmed to think about the day we get our first set of keys to a car, and then later in life a home of your own. We are also warned of the challenges of ownership - maintenance, insurance and repairs. You need to be responsible to have ownership. Often what is missing in the conversation of this word is personal ownership. Yes, you need to be responsible for your things, but you also need to be responsible for your life path. If you crash your car or accidentally set your house on fire, you have insurance to take care of it. Your premium may go up, but that’s the end of it. You can keep on going about your life. But when you crash your life or feel like your whole world is in flames, people tend to look outside of themselves. Who did this? Why is this happening to me? Many people blame their family, their job even God himself.

There’s no denying that there are other people involved in your suffering. You may have a crappy family or job. However you are also a part of this relationship and taking ownership of your feelings and action can give you more power. In some countries, this seems near impossible. Women and children have no autonomy. And you hear horror stories like the family in Perris, California where the children were chained, starved and beaten on a regular basis. And when you are stuck, it may feel like that. You have chained yourself to a situation, beat yourself up and starve yourself of the freedom that you have to power to take. First step, what role do you play in this situation? I stayed at a teaching job four years too long. I blamed the administration, the blamed parents, and in some cases blamed the students. The problem was greater than all of us, but I stayed until the universe took drastic measures to get me to leave. I should have left after my second year, but instead of taking ownership of my misery and taking steps to leave, I stayed until it made me sick.

Ownership can be tricky because instead of looking at your role in a situation, your internal critic can begin to attack you and your defense will go back to blaming others, when really an honest self evaluation of your situation can lead you to make positive changes. For example, if you are in a relationship that isn’t working out, look at how you are or aren’t contributing to the problems. If the person is abusive, then it isn’t you, it is them, and you need to seek the help to get out of the situation. But if it’s the usual, my partner isn’t doing X, what are you do doing? Are you talking about what is bothering you with your partner or are you just putting up with it, complaining to your friends, because starting over would be too hard or you don’t want to be alone. Are you putting your best foot forward, or are you reacting to what you perceive as a flaw in your partner. Once you take a look at the situation and see what you are or are not doing to help or cause further hurt, then you can decide what it is that you want to do to move forward.

Just like maintaining your things, self maintenance can start with taking a look at yourself and taking ownership for your situation. Moving in the direction of the life you want can be scary, but depending on your needs seeking a therapist or hiring a life coach can be the next step in the right direction.